100 Days Project

Ben: 100 Writings / 100 Opening Guitar Hooks

various, random creative expressions / writings, inspired partially by 100 popular songs (songs that somewhat begin with a leading hook of a guitar.)

Day 95:

“Don’t Sit Down ‘Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair” (2011) by Arctic Monkeys

“Don't Sit Down 'Cause I've Moved Your Chair” (2011) by Arctic Monkeys


Here’s some pranks I’ve known of:

• Could’ve been April Fool’s day but my mate, Reece, told me he went to work and went to his office computer.  It was already on.  On the screen was his Rubbish bin, few folders, Internet Explorer and some App’s.  He sat down and tried to click a folder.  But he couldn’t.  The folder wouldn’t open.  He tried to access his important work files by clicking another folder.  It too didn’t open.  He was getting a bit frustrated.  He thought, as it always would, to turn it off and restart afresh, which he did successfully.  But once again, the folders would not open.  He clicked the Explorer, which also did not open.  He went under the desk to check the wires were all correct.  They were.  He clicked on some app’s.  They didn’t open either.

Soon, a mate of his came in, cracking up laughing.  Other people too.  Reece understood he had just been pranked.  The guy ‘print screen’ed his computer.  He took a photo of everything on Reece’s desktop.  Cut everything on the desktop over to an invisible folder.  Then made the photo, the wallpaper.  Hence it looked like, everything was there.  However, since it was a wallpaper, nothing could be truly accessed.

That was a good prank.  Reece even tried the same prank on my computer.  Motherfucker.  DAM YOU, REECE!
 
• Back in the days when people would actually go to the Video store (an event that is no longer required thanks to internet services), my brother Soane hired out some films.  Our half-brother, Joel came over from Adelaide, he spent some time about then went back to South Australia.  Joel obviously noted the videos laid out in front of the TV in the lounge, asked if they were Soane’s, where he hired them from and when they were due, before he left.

A few weeks later, Joel called Soane up in a fake, high-pitched accent.  “Hey there, this is Shiela from Blockbuster.  Thank you for returning, ‘The Bourne Ultimatum’ and ‘300’, however we’re still waiting for ‘Gangbangs of New York’ and ‘Shaving Ryan’s Privates’.”  “EXCUSE ME?!”  Joel is such a professional.  I would’ve blown the joke two sentences in.  But Joel played it so straight-faced, the joke lasted longer, and eventually turned into an argument on Soane’s behalf, with him berating the ‘video clerk’ to understand that he did not hire out any porn and that this was clearly the store’s mistake.

The cover was soon blown.  Boy, I wish I could have the seriousness to pull off a joke like that.

DAM YOU, JOEL!

• Wayne Takai, back in highschool, was a pretty funny guy.  He’d piss off teachers by pretending he could hear the spirit of Lucifer in the room.  He’d throw his dirty socks off at people he didn’t like.  He was a great guy.  He fell off Facebook.  Don’t know what he’s up to now.

“I’m gonna shit in the pool”, we didn’t believe he’d do it.  There were three girls swimming close to us.  But when he said he was right in the middle of bowel movement, we cleared out fast.  The girls had no idea.  I was between experiences of sheer laughter, anticipation but also incredible disgust.  Only Wayne could pull off such emotions.  He started swimming towards us and waved at us to move the hell outta here, because Mr. Mason was around the corner.  We all motioned outta sight, because if we stuck around, we’d instantly be blamed.  But just as turned the corner, I quickly visioned it.  It was a floating, brown turd.  Quiet small but still a ridiculous thing to see.

We all got around the corner and by the count of three, the girls shrieked and screamed.  I wish I could’ve seen their faces.  God, that was so funny, even while writing it today.  Winston said to, in fact, clear right outta here, because it would be obvious we were involved with it somehow.  

We got caught when we got back to class.  Detention.  Was it worth it?  Fuck yeah! 

I can hear the girls screaming now, DAM YOU, WAYNE!

• Somehow, I pranked myself.  I left my office chair to go and make a coffee.  Saw the boss in the kitchen who gave me a paper with code names for me to jot into our system.  I came back to my chair, coffee in one hand, paper in the other.  I sat down.  But on the exact moment I noticed I moved my chair far too back and would miss it, it was too late.  I slipped, fell on my arse and spilt coffee on me.  The room laughed.  I didn’t.   DAM YOU, um, ME!