100 Days Project

Ben: 100 Writings / 100 Opening Guitar Hooks

various, random creative expressions / writings, inspired partially by 100 popular songs (songs that somewhat begin with a leading hook of a guitar.)

Day 39:

“My God is the Sun” (2013) by Queens of the Stone Age

“My God is the Sun” (2013) by Queens of the Stone Age

I’m an Atheist … or maybe Agnostic … I don’t know.

It’s not that I have seen, heard or learnt anything that proves of a higher being, but more importantly, it’s because I haven’t FELT anything that proves of a higher being. Darwin laid the foundation, Space provides far infinite possibilities for an answer and Religion has been nothing but a disappointment for me. But, more importantly, I believe in nothing because I have FELT nothing in my heart for anything universal out there.

I even remember feeling nothing last time I went to Mass. I went in to support my nephew who was made an Altar boy. He looked nervous. Sis was so proud. The 82 year old priest didn’t notice – Each year Altar boys all look the same to him. Anyway, I felt nothing in there. I didn’t feel hopeless, but I didn’t feel hopeful. Father’s sermon was interesting but plainly obvious - don’t kill, don’t rape, etc. I stood up and chanted. Knelt and chanted. Stood up again and chanted. Took a swig of wine and a piece of bread. It was all traditions passed down for two thousand years. And maybe it’s because of these draining Catholic customs, that I’m apathetic for my Catholic faith. It’s all smoking lanterns and Latin and, for me, just a place to check out new chicks and hear the cousin’s latest jokes.

But maybe other religions could fill the void. Nope.

I can see how Anglicans would think it ridiculous to venerate a guy in a funny hat living in Rome during Church, just as ridiculous as I would feel venerating the Queen of England during Church. Methodists are part of the same hypocrisy as Catholics, though I admit their gospel music is waaay better. There is no difference for me between worshipping on Sunday as it would be for Saturdays for Seven-Day Adventists. I would be the first person to shut the door on my own face if I became a Mormon or Jehovah Witness. I’m far too westernised for Indian, Eastern or Jewish religions. Rastafarians reek of it. Those Goth religions are just plain silly – I’m not burning that candle on my penis! Islam also is part of the same hypocrisy. And Polytheism defeats the entire purpose of proving the existence of one god, as it offers 367.

By and large, in some way, they again all represent rules and draining customs, for me. They all seem the same. And from there being so much choice of the same product, I discovered that personally the most obvious answer for me – would be none of them.

(There are various atheist religions out there too, y’know, that I, of course, wouldn’t join because that defeats the purpose of atheism, but I admire them: the religions of the Invisible Pink Unicorn and the Flying Spaghetti Monster have so many ridiculous rules and customs; they are only sarcastically mirroring what regular religions do.)

However, I’m still young. I may have to be pseudo-religious later in life, maybe forced by a supposed wife and kids. I read somewhere that for lapsed Atheists, the two religions that would fit them perfectly are Buddhism and Scientology, as these two religions hold some form of atheist views. But, my god, I’d literally have to take a leap of fucking faith, as these two religions look as whacky as everyone sees them to be. If forced, I think I’m better off just reverting to my Catholicism, whilst being silent and plastic.

But I have, I think, truly experienced “God”.

Honestly speaking, the first time I experienced something mind blowing to me, something I could attribute to what I believed “God” was supposed to be for me, something I was in awe of absolutely, would be (don’t laugh) the first time I played GTA: Vice City on Playstation 2. Technology allowed me to simulate some guy shooting another guy’s head off from a distance; drive a car away from the cops in a perfectly mimicked environment; create a milieu that was frighteningly too real. I even had dreams of the game. This was miraculous technology – truly mind blowing stuff. Then came the iPhone and I settled upon the fact that technology has all the traits that I could declare in my heart as being God-like.

You can’t blame me, either. That smartphone in your pocket can do so many things!

GTA and Playstion 2 were so expansive in their technical abilities, one time home alone, I just wanted to listen to the exhaustive and brilliant soundtrack on the radio in the game. (There were over 140 songs on that game disc. Normal CD’s could only hold 15 at best.) So as the character I got in the car, parked up in front of the docks, tuned it in to Emotion 98.3 and just have the character sit there, while I turned up the volume and vacuumed the house.

Now Playstation 1 would’ve froze within an hour due to non-activity and you would have to restart the console. I remember Sega Saturn would turn itself off within an hour due to non-activity. However, after an hour of vacuuming, Playstation 2 kept on going but was surprisingly reacting with time in a believable approach. The character stretched his arms now and then. But more astonishingly, the sun was gradually rising above the docks. It was rising as it would in real life: slowly, incredibly bright, hushed and ferocious. Seagulls greeted it as well. It looked immaculately real. This was truly mind blowing stuff: My god is the sun.

(I remember hearing an interesting anecdote between a Muslim and an Atheist. The Muslim was talking to the Atheist and he is said, “Do you see me standing in front of you?” The Atheist replies positively. The Muslim says, “Is it safe for me to say that there is absolutely nothing barring your vision of me?” The Atheist replies positively. The Muslim says, “But did you know that there are hundreds of invisible particles in the air between you and me right now?” The Atheist replies positively. “Did you know there are microscopic particles in the air right now that are so small, not even the human eye can see them?” The Atheist replies positively. The Muslim says, “Do you understand how God can be so invisible to the human eye, so small or so large, that at first you think he doesn’t exist?” The Atheist replies positively. The Muslim asks, “Do you now understand that God can exist without evidence?” The Atheist says, “Yip, okay.”

I guess … I’m Agnostic.)