Taming my mind is always especially difficult when I feel like shit. The minutes feel like hours – hell, like weeks – because they won’t pass. And there are just so many of them to get through. Being fevery puts sabotagey thoughts in my head, where they spin and spin and spin. Even good thoughts and times go dark rattling around for so bloody long.
But this is the first time feeling like crap as I dance around the edges of returning to my practice. Even my half-assed Buddhism is better than none at all. I find I can counter at least half of the noise in my head with mantra. It’s like a dance.
I’m too tired and fussy to write much more today. I’m not in the mood to put the noise down on paper. I am doing my best to keep from spiraling out. But it’s not even 2p, so there’s plenty of time for that.